Without Words

Well, I just don't have much to say these days. I have wanted to blog lately about all the wonderful things that God is so graciously teaching me, but I find myself feeling like my conversations are very personal. Just for me! Things that only I can meditate on because the words He gives me are dealing with my heart and soul. I'm not sure I ever remember a season quite like this one.

The truth is when I look back on this year of my life I consider it one of the toughest seasons in my adult life. Not because of any traumatic issue, or major life change (other than Alice and she is an adjustment for sure) I have gone through. Just a tough year. Always something or somebody needing my attention and thought. Sam said something to me the other day though that has turned my complaining and frustration completely around. He reminded me of the growth we have experienced this year. And as most people know you grow through tough times much more than you do easy times. So I guess all this pain, is just a growing pain. And for that I am truley grateful! Makes it all seem much more worth it.

So as I approach Thankgiving I am reminded of so many things I am thankful for. First of all that I am saved! Saved from what I deserve and given something I did absolutely nothing to obtain. A promise that encourages me on the lowest of low days! Jesus! Yes, I am so thankful for Jesus! I am thankful that God generously gave me a husband who can turn my gloom and doom attitude around with his kind words of truth and encouragement. I am thankful for 2 little silly girls who I am completely humbled to have the job of teaching them about WHO really matters in life more than the "what" that so many people are chasing. To tell them how much our God truly loves and adores them and would seriously do...no wait...has already done for them. Thankful too, that there is grace to cover all the times I screw that one up. And right now I am thankful for a season of God teaching me and making me hungry for HIM. Hungry in a way that I can't seem to get enough and somehow when I'm with HIM I can understand if only a small bit, what He wants me to hear. It is only by HIS grace that HIS word can teach my stubborn, wicked heart, and for that I am amazed.

So, I haven't said much lately. But the truth is I am even more captivated by HIS love and treasure. There are good days and bad days...but He is the same. Always good, always patient, always jealous for my affection.

Beauty in Dying

I've been thinking all week about this question: "Are you living to die, or dying to live?" I've been sorting through my thoughts and goals and trying very hard to answer this deep and life changing question. Do I care more about my wants, my comforts, my pleasures, or do I care more about One who is higher? Dying doesn't sound like much fun was my brilliant conclusion. And as my husband says the odds are against me...100% of people die, so I'm not going to get out of it! So is death all that bad?



Today God is showing me the beauty of dying. Doesn't sound like that beautiful of a process...but God is changing my understanding. As I looked at the weather forecast today I got so excited. One of my favorite seasons is here and finally the forecast is agreeing! Fall is here! Oh that is wonderful news to me because I endure summer more than I enjoy it! Fall is such a beautiful time of year, and yet its the dying that makes it beautiful. How can something so beautiful like the changing of leaves and then ultimately the falling of them really just be the process of dying? Death! Death is beautiful!



So let's get on with it! It's going to happen...you and I can't get out of it. If it is in God's way it will be one of the most beautiful and literally breath-taking processes we could ever imagine. If I die now, if I deny myself and live through HIM I can rest knowing that my life will be more beautiful, more refreshing, and most importantly that I pleased the ONE who put the breath in my lungs in the 1st place. So to quote an old dead guy who died way before the breath left his lungs and now I'm sure is quite alive.... "Resolution 1: I will live for God / Resolution 2: If no one else does, I still will. (Jonathan Edwards)



Here is a trustworthy saying: If we died with HIM, we will also live with HIM 2 Timothy 2:11 (Paul, another old dead guy who is living in a way I can't even imagine at this moment)



Don't you just love what the dead are trying to tell us...get on with it, die to yourself, live for something worth living for! My prayer is that I would get on with dying and therefore on with the living!

7 But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ 9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ--the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. 10 I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, 11 and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead. Philippians 3:7-11

YouTube - Fruit Of The Spirit - Brentwood Kids

YouTube - Fruit Of The Spirit - Brentwood Kids

This has become a big hit at our house. Thought I would share because it has become a great way to memorize the fruit of the spirit! Libby can't seem to get enough of it...believe me when I say this. Even though I now go to sleep singing this silly song, I am so grateful to see the word become planted in her heart...and I pray that this same fruit would be seen in her life as she grows.

The picture...well Libby can be a little "Fruity" at times. Found her watching tv the other day like this...it needed to be shared.

Compassion

Tonight was such a great night in our home. One of those nights that has left me so excited that I can't possibly sleep. I saw a compassion in my daughter's heart that just overwhelms me.



I am very aware that our hearts are evil and can't do one thing good unless the Father prompts us to do so. I can't explain it...but I know that He was wanting to teach me something and He used a 6 year old to do it.



For the past few weeks we have been learning about different countries and praying for them in our night time Bible study with Libby. We use this wonderful website operationworld.org to do this. We learn all sorts of things about different countries and then pray for them. For the past 2 nights we have been praying for Mozambique...heard of them? Yeah...me neither. Who knew? Well it's a very poor country in Africa that is enjoying freedom for the 1st time in its history. So the church is growing! Hallelujah!!!! But as I mentioned it is very poor and there are many orphans in this area. That is the part that gripped my little girl.



After praying for this country the 1st night her response was "Let's go over to Mozambique and get a kid and bring her home." Simple enough right? I loved it of course. So today I researched adoption in this country and found out that adopting as an American is possible but you must reside in Mozambique. So tonight when we began to discuss this country again I told Libby this news. She was devastated. Her heart was broken! When she prayed there was so much sadness in her voice. Therefore....my heart broke. I believe if I could have gotten on a plane tonight and flew to Mozambique I would have and brought a little girl (because she declared that it must be a girl) home. But that's just not how it works I guess.



Our prayers continued and this light bulb went off in my head that maybe we could sponsor a child from this country. So as soon as Sam said "Amen" I grabbed this computer and went looking. I would love to tell you that when I began looking on the Compassion International website there was an option for Mozambique...but apparently this obscure country really is just that. A little dissppointed I looked at Libby...but she was already looking at all of those pictures of little boys and girls and asking me questions. We looked at several and she would pick out different little girls and say "isn't she beautiful mommy". I mean sweetness!!!!!



We decided we would look for a 6 year old girl in Indonesia since her daddy had been to that country before. Our results included 2 little girls who had hearts in their picture that meant they had been waiting for a sponsor for 6 months or longer. So we decided we would look at their profiles. Libby then picked a little girl named Weni. I looked at Sam with the look of "Can we please?" We began discussing can we afford it...are we sure...and then Libby chimes in..." I will give a dollar a week mommy and some change if we can! Please!!!!" So you need to understand the magnitude of this offer. Libby gets a quarter for every chore she does outside of her responsibilities (her room, her bed, and the play room). This usually adds up to somewhere between $2 and $3 over the course of a week. Yes I know...we are cheap employers! But to hear her offer almost half of her income moved me in such a way I can't quite explain it. That little girl was broken for this little girl and willing to give up her treasure for the sake of another.



Now I am very aware that in a few weeks she may not want to give that dollar. We will get the opportunity as parents to teach responsiblity, commitment, and being a good steward through this...but of course we sponsored that little girl. How could we not? Just a few weeks ago Libby did the same plea for a little cat named "Vanilla" in the Pet shop...I said "no" and wondered over and over did I do the right thing. But not this time! I couldn't!



Let me make something very clear...I really am not boasting on my child...rather God who did a work in her little heart. She is a very greedy kid. Like every kid she wants stuff, and things, and goodies, and well you get the picture. We have prayed for her. How can we teach her this. Well, the truth is, her parents need to learn the lesson too. I just feel like God was moving on her heart tonight that compelled (my new favorite word for those keeping up) a couple of adults to do what needed to be done.



Should I say lesson learned...absolutely not! Hold me accountable friends! "Wherever your treasure is, there your heart and thoughts will also be." Mat 6:21 Oh that Libby and Alice would learn this...and that their parents would live it in front of them.



Please pray for us! Please pray for Mozambique! Please pray for Weni in Indonesia! My heart is full tonight friends. My Father is so generous to me! May I be generous for the sake of the Kingdom!

Adding a New Word to the List

I have a new word that I like. I know that may sound strange but from time to time I get caught up in a word that just helps paint a picture in my mind that other words just can't. So over time I have come across a few words that I call my favorites. So far my list is short...which hopefully tells you that these words are special and not just something that happens every day. My list includes : Jesus, glorious, captivate, treasure, and now my new one "compel".

I came across this word in 2 Corinthians 5 this week. Sam loves this chapter in scripture and so I have heard him talk about it many times. But this was my week to just fall in love with this passage the way he had years ago.

As a believer in Christ I have been taught, read, and even sang about the love of God and know to love others. Well in 2 Corinthians 5 Paul says "For Christ's love compels us..." and so I stop here. What does it mean to be compelled? My first thoughts were "motivated and encouraged". And then I saw the Webster's definition of compel and it means to "force".

Wait a minute! I live in America and no one "forces" me to do anything right? I am free! But then, I realize that the forcing comes from a love! A love that is bigger than any love that we as Americans...or humanity as a whole can possible grasp, much less give! This love is so big that to try to explain it would make my head spin and my heart explode. But my gracious God has slowly in time explained to me piece by piece, bit by bit, about this love. And this love forces me to do things that I look back and think how in the world did I just do that. This love is powerful!

So this week has been a week of figuring out what is moving me, or forcing me. I think whether we like the word "force" or not something out there is forcing our decisions and actions. Maybe our own opinions, or the influences of our culture. Maybe in our own understanding "love" definately forces us to do things. Obviously I wouldn't get up every single night for 7 months to feed Alice unless I loved her. Nor would I deal with all the random 6 year old conversations I listen to if I didn't love Libby. And so these acts are forced by my love for those girls. But this love compared to Christ's love are so far apart! Glimpses if you will of a greater love. A love so powerful that it raises death to life, slaved to freed, sinfulness to pureness. My love for my children and husband can do alot, but has yet to do any of those. This love is powerful! Again...this LOVE is powerful!

So may that LOVE...that powerful, huge, amazing, and beautiful love compel me. Why wouldn't it? Further down in this passage Paul goes on to say "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!" Think about that...changed! Forced to be different! Did I mention that this love was powerful?

Being compelled by a powerful love!

1st Grade! 1st Grade!

Just had to say a little something today about my big girl who went off to the 1st grade this morning. A year ago, I was a mess! This was one of the hardest days I had faced as a mother. I had heard people say it never got easier. So this year I wondered how I would do when I dropped her off again. Well, I was surprised. I walked down that hall with Libby this morning and little butterflies came in my stomach just like last year. I thought "Oh no, here we go again." You see last year I ended up practically running out of that place before anyone saw the monsoon of tears fall down my face. But this time it was different. A calmness came over me and I knew that not only was she ready for 1st grade... God was there. HE is there with her right now. I have no control...even though I like to think I do, I don't. He is much more trustworthy than I am. She will be fine in HIS hands! Apparently, last year I wasn't so sure about that, but this year I am.

I have fallen in love with this passage over the past few years...and claim it today.

He/She who dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD, "He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust." Psalm 91:1-2

O God...You are a mighty Fortress all around Libby as she walks those halls today! Thank you thank you thank you thank you!!!!!!!! I trust you!

This is Libby going to Kindergarten to the left and 1st grade to the right. Looks like a different kid!

Just Rocks!

Last night Sam and I decided we would take this morning to go do something as a family in Nashville. We wanted to go see something that we haven't seen yet.. So we looked up area attractions and decided on the Parthenon. Didn't give it much thought, but figured that since it was in Centennial Park we couldn't go wrong. But I just have to tell you about the events of the day. Hoping I will never forget what our God wanted to teach us today.

When we got there and as soon as we walked in my mind thought..."What were we thinking?" Greek Mythology and of course all the paintings with all the people who haven't heard the modesty talks I have given to teenagers and my own daughter. And for all of you who want to tell me right now that it's just "art"...go ahead but I still didn't want Libby seeing it. So needless to say we skipped the art gallery part. Walked in that room and right back out!

So we headed upstairs and there is this huge statue of the goddess Athena. Again, I am just thinking I'm an idiot for bringing my 6 year old to see this, who we spend so much time teaching about the one true God! Of course this statue is over 42' tall and is painted with over 8lbs of gold. A sight to behold for anyone. On either side of the statue are smaller statues of many different Greek gods.

As we are walking around looking at the smaller statues Libby says "Look mom they all have cracks in them." My eyes shoot wide open and I say..."Yes baby, yes they do! They are falling apart!" Libby knew that these were false gods. They were foolish and wouldn't last. She wasn't at all amazed my these statues...she knew they were just rocks. And so the lesson began. Sam and I spent the rest of the time reinforcing the truth of God and making sure we took the opportunity to point our little girl to the God who makes a 42' statue look tiny.

My favorite part was after we left I couldn't get the Chris Tomlin song "Our God" out of my head. You will be so thankful that this is a blog and you can't hear me sing as I have all day long. But let me just say..."Our God is greater, Our God is stronger...God you are higher than any other..." Libby, Sam, and I sang that song all day today, not in key, but in worship. Libby claimed it as her new favorite song as well. What a picture our God painted for that little girl today...and this girl too.

That statue really was big...but she will crumble at the hand of MY GOD! Oh....what a HUGE God I serve! He was being worshipped back in the 5th century B.C. when this silly Greek goddess was being worshipped...but the difference is HE is still being worshipped today and still doing mighty works! He is everlasting. He will be worshipped forevermore.

I refused to take a picture of this statue and then regretted it after the fact. So I got this from the museum guide. Didn't turn out great but you can get the idea.

O LORD, my strength and my fortress, my refuge in time of distress, to you the nations will come from the ends of the earth and say, "Our fathers possessed nothing but false gods, worthless idols that did them no good. Jeremiah 16:19

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame ? How long will you love delusions and seek false gods ? "Selah" Psalm 4:2

Moving from Mommy to Mom

We have much to say about this, but it is hard to explain because you are slow to learn. 12 In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. You need milk, not solid food! 13 Anyone who lives on milk, being still an infant, is not acquainted with the teaching about righteousness. 14 But solid food is for the mature, who by constant use have trained themselves to distinguish good from evil. Hebrews 5:11-14

I've been noticing a change in Libby this summer. One that at first I wasn't too happy with, but now realizing the meaning behind it. There is something about little girls and their mommies that is different. At least I think. And that is there will come a point when they no longer call you "mommy".

On several occasions this summer Libby has slipped up and called me "mom" instead of the usual "mommy". I corrected her the first few times but realized that maybe it was a good thing yesterday when it happened. She was brushing her hair at the time. I thought about how over time I have taught her the right way to brush her hair. Its been going on for years now as you can tell from the picture above when she was probably 2 years old. Then it was just practice, but Libby can handle the job all by herself now. I notice more about these things since I am caring for an infant again. Alice needs me to do practically everything for her, and so I'm very grateful that Libby no longer needs the same.

It would be so frustrating to me as Libby's "mom" now if I watched her brush her hair and she was brushing up instead of down, or only on one side instead of her whole head of extremely thick hair. I would probably say...in my "mom" voice of course... "Haven't we gone over this before?"

That made me think about the verses above. What is the milk? What is it that I, as a 10 year old now, should know. Well for me it's that God is good! He doesn't need to prove that to me anymore...but I'm sure He will. It's that God is faithful. Again, I really should know this by now and therefore move onto even bigger steps of faith. Also that I'm forgiven. Why do I sometimes think that there is a chance that I'm not? He's told me, He's promised, and He won't change His mind. So therefore I should live in the freedom that I now have! Am I still asking Him to teach me these things over and over and over again? I hope not. I want to Know...that I know...that I know I'm loved, adored, forgiven, and in good hands.

So I'm hoping today, in this season of life, that God is moving me on to some solid food. I know He won't let me forget the milk, but I'm hoping that I don't have to keep learning the same lessons over again. I wonder what Paul would have said to the "American Church" today. Are we still sipping on our milk bottle? I crave real, juicy, soul satisfying food now! I just hope I can handle it! I'm praying that in 10 years from now the milk will still be there...but so will some new things too.

All this to say that I am welcoming my new name "mom". Over the years I have added many titles when I talk to God. He is now my Father, my Lover, my Friend, my Mighty Fortress, my Consuming Fire, my Provider, my Teacher, my Savior, my Wonderful Counselor, and my Treasure! Along with many others. I embrace those names and realize with each one I am learning more, just like Libby. I like my new name...I think it will work for us.

Libby and her "Mom"

My 7 month old!

Finding it hard to believe Alice is 7 months old. I'm a few days late on this, but just got around to loading the pictures today. She is so big and teaches me so much everyday. Mainly about patience! She loves me in a way that blows my mind! I am honestly her favorite person right now, and I am very aware that it won't last. So even though it is draining at times to be her favorite person, I'm trying to enjoy it the best I can. She really is so precious.

Last night she was in Sam's lap and I was standing next to them...and she held those little arms up. I about cried. It was the 1st time she reached up for me like that. What sweet moments. She seems to learn or discover something new everyday. I put her back in Sam's lap 3 times just to see her do it again. Hard to get enough of her reaching for me like that.

Oh how I pray for this little girl...that she would know the treasure of Christ and throw those arms up to Him one day. Until then I'm going to take the lesson and apply it to myself. I know the Father desires for His children to want Him the way Alice wants me. The amazing thing is that I can't drain God, He has so much to give... way more than I can give this little girl. So I am going to throw my arms up to the Father today!

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1

What's with the Title?

I thought I might take the time to explain the title of my blog. I hadn't thought of a title until "step 2" popped up and said "Name your blog". Oh dear...I have to be creative, and I'm not! So I quickly went to other blogs to see names and try to see if I could get the crative juices flowing....well that didn't happen either. Then I just thought about what my purpose was for the blog anyway. Its not because I think I'm a great writer and therefore others might want to read my thoughts. I am really doing this to organize and remind myself of what God is teaching me through this season of life.

A few weeks ago my sweet husband and I sat in a coffee shop and talked about what we want our lives to be about. He's 30...I'm 29, we thought maybe if we make a declaration of sorts then we won't end up in 30 years feeling like we have wasted these years. So we worked through some things and realized that ultimately there is a "treasure" and the "treasure" is worth living for. More than that, its worth dying for! So keeping our attention on , or being Captivated by the Treasure was the most important thing, because that would then give an outpouring of our lives in every other area. Death can't touch our treasure! Nothing can touch this treasure! So it seems worth living for right? I think so!

Our declaration has 3 parts to it, this is the 1st and what I believe the most essential. If my attention is not on the treasure, which is the cross of Jesus Christ, then the other 2 parts don't work. So with every blog I write I am praying it keeps my eyes on the Treasure!!!!

Captivate me Jesus... don't let me look away for a moment!

Working Hard so You Don't Have to!

Apparently I'm starting a blog today. Not sure what led to this, other than wanting to keep track of thoughts for myself and my girls as I walk through life. I know God teaches me things everyday but its hard to keep up at times. This is just one of those days I wanted to remember what HE taught me...so I started a blog.

The day started like most. I woke up thinking about what had to be done today. My job requires different things everyday so with each morning I have to make sure I know where or what I'm suppose to do that day. Somedays its grocery shopping and errand running, ( that one's not bad) other days its visits with friends, (those are my favorite days) and then there are days like today. HOUSE CLEANING DAY (my least favorite!). Not only was it house cleaning day....it was bathrooms HAVE to be done day! So I decided when Alice went to take a nap I was going to spend some time with the Father to prepare for the dreaded day. Guess what scripture was waiting for me in my study today. Well here, I will let you read it.

To Adam he said, "Because you listened to your wife and ate from the tree about which I commanded you, 'You must not eat of it,' "Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat of it all the days of your life. 18 It will produce thorns and thistles for you, and you will eat the plants of the field. 19 By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return." Gen. 3:17-19

Reminding me quickly that because of our sinfulness we now will not always enjoy our work. In fact our work will be tough...causing sweat, stress, anxiety, pain, and in my case disgust! Through the lesson though God reminded me that the original plan was that we would have enjoyed our work...and HE would have been shown as beautiful and glorious (which HE is) through it all! So that's the goal right? Make HIM look great in my work.

So I cleaned the sink, cleaned the tub/shower, and hoping that maybe just maybe Jesus would return first, I left the toilet until last. But Jesus didn't come...and the toilet had to be cleaned. So I sat there cleaning the toilet and wondered how in the world I could make God be seen as beautiful through this process! It stumped me! Then I sprayed my scrubbing bubbles all over it. Thinking about their slogan "Working hard so you don't have to". Funny right? I wish right? But I realized that my God never planned for me to do this...He never wanted me to have to deal with hating my work. He really planned to do the work so I wouldn't have to...and honestly He has! He has done so much for me...and ultimately provided the Son who died so I wouldn't have to. My punishment is paid in full! Guess what...I realized I was smiling while scrubbing my toilet! My God is beautiful... I don't make HIM that way... He is! I believe He can use anything and anywhere (even the dirty bathroom) to show His beauty to us! Now just hoping that maybe through my toilet cleaning my girls might see Him as beautiful too.